Madness.

Madness. What is it exactly?…

and why the hell does it exist…?

What purpose can it bring to any sane individual?

The fuck do I know about it. I’m just as clueless as anybody would be. I can throw rocks at broken windows just for the sake of it. Yell obscene words from left to right, screaming my head off just to feel the vibrations. Do I show it?… naw, why would anyone want to show this side to anyone. Nobody goes around doing absurd shit unless there is a reason.

Ah, yes the reason.

There gots to be a reason…

It can’t be just any other reason either, gotta be something anyone would understand. Anyone in their right mind would agree the cause of madness would be this four letter word. They’ll go to war for it, tear down walls for it, deeply claim it for their own with no regrets.

Love.

Sustainable, fulfillment and all consuming… oh how it feels like an entitlement and it really is.

Clutch your fists to keep it together darling, it isn’t over yet.

Madness is knowing ALL of this and keeping it under your skin.

It’s not until you’ll come to know someone of your caliber from all the chaotic ways love can muster up, you’ll watch it all come down.

You’ll try everything in your power to keep yourself from not falling apart but it will be futile.

Unraveling all the places you try to keep hidden will fall because that’s the purpose.

I know this now…

It’s not some mediocre bs kind of love and it’s not something you’ll see coming. The unexpected is some life changing substance and it’s an addictive. It was like we were made to be this way.  Madness will drive us to throw stones at the windows to shed the light in our lives we seek so badly.

Drunk on Madness….

I’ll tell you this… It’s better to know your madness, know it well because it’s there for you to know real love.

Mad love is the center of all things made.

⌊ᶫᵉᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵘʳᶰ ∞ ᵗʰᵒᵘˢᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵘᶰˢ⌋

Nine Years.

It’s so hard to believe it’s been close to a decade since I’ve last held you.

A memory that will always stay with me.

I just laid with you, holding you like it was the last time. I held on to you, gripping on to your favorite white shirt and you knew it. It was our way of saying goodbye. We didn’t say a word, We just embraced and enjoyed each other. This was the body that would make me feel so protected and loved; was the only thing I ran too when I was afraid. The scent of a loving dad. You loved me like no one has ever…. Yes, my tears are spilling while I’m typing… I can’t help it. I need to go though this, I need to acknowledge your love, I need you and I’ll always will; Kicking and screaming, you know me best. The love will always be there and you’ve never left my side. The sweet and tender love of my father is the reason of who I am; til the death of me I shall keep your love. Agape.

I love you.

⌊ᶫᵉᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵘʳᶰ ∞ ᵗʰᵒᵘˢᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵘᶰˢ⌋

Open shut mouths.

There are two different types of people…

One would say “Why speak of everything?.. Why would you let anyone know?… You’ve become vulnerable. ”

The opposite of thoughts come into me as if there was an angel and a devil on my shoulders whispering gentle nothings. I can hear a voice inside of me speaking clearly to my chest like my heart was listening. “Why keep it in?… be open to everyone so they may find closure in their life… what if this is the connection? Share my deepest here, right now. No regrets.”

I am both.

Spilt between the frames of my thoughts fear can easily creep in and spoil the good intentions. The fear comes from listening to the bullshit people say about you, giving away too much of yourself and how it can be used against you. Has it happen yet…? Yes. A lot of shit happens but My mouth is an unpredictable force of nature regardless what people can do, feel or think. I can never hold on to my deepest thoughts.

I want to learn, feel, speak with action that so many fear of; these are my life lessons and I won’t be silent for the sake of others or myself. Be sensitive for the right reasons, be bold when the time comes whatever you do, don’t let your heart harden. Life is too beautiful to not allow your heart to spill, beloved.

⌊ᶫᵉᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵘʳᶰ ∞ ᵗʰᵒᵘˢᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵘᶰˢ⌋