Madness.

Madness. What is it exactly?…

and why the hell does it exist…?

What purpose can it bring to any sane individual?

The fuck do I know about it. I’m just as clueless as anybody would be. I can throw rocks at broken windows just for the sake of it. Yell obscene words from left to right, screaming my head off just to feel the vibrations. Do I show it?… naw, why would anyone want to show this side to anyone. Nobody goes around doing absurd shit unless there is a reason.

Ah, yes the reason.

There gots to be a reason…

It can’t be just any other reason either, gotta be something anyone would understand. Anyone in their right mind would agree the cause of madness would be this four letter word. They’ll go to war for it, tear down walls for it, deeply claim it for their own with no regrets.

Love.

Sustainable, fulfillment and all consuming… oh how it feels like an entitlement and it really is.

Clutch your fists to keep it together darling, it isn’t over yet.

Madness is knowing ALL of this and keeping it under your skin.

It’s not until you’ll come to know someone of your caliber from all the chaotic ways love can muster up, you’ll watch it all come down.

You’ll try everything in your power to keep yourself from not falling apart but it will be futile.

Unraveling all the places you try to keep hidden will fall because that’s the purpose.

I know this now…

It’s not some mediocre bs kind of love and it’s not something you’ll see coming. The unexpected is some life changing substance and it’s an addictive. It was like we were made to be this way.  Madness will drive us to throw stones at the windows to shed the light in our lives we seek so badly.

Drunk on Madness….

I’ll tell you this… It’s better to know your madness, know it well because it’s there for you to know real love.

Mad love is the center of all things made.

⌊ᶫᵉᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵘʳᶰ ∞ ᵗʰᵒᵘˢᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵘᶰˢ⌋

Nine Years.

It’s so hard to believe it’s been close to a decade since I’ve last held you.

A memory that will always stay with me.

I just laid with you, holding you like it was the last time. I held on to you, gripping on to your favorite white shirt and you knew it. It was our way of saying goodbye. We didn’t say a word, We just embraced and enjoyed each other. This was the body that would make me feel so protected and loved; was the only thing I ran too when I was afraid. The scent of a loving dad. You loved me like no one has ever…. Yes, my tears are spilling while I’m typing… I can’t help it. I need to go though this, I need to acknowledge your love, I need you and I’ll always will; Kicking and screaming, you know me best. The love will always be there and you’ve never left my side. The sweet and tender love of my father is the reason of who I am; til the death of me I shall keep your love. Agape.

I love you.

⌊ᶫᵉᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵘʳᶰ ∞ ᵗʰᵒᵘˢᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵘᶰˢ⌋

Open shut mouths.

There are two different types of people…

One would say “Why speak of everything?.. Why would you let anyone know?… You’ve become vulnerable. ”

The opposite of thoughts come into me as if there was an angel and a devil on my shoulders whispering gentle nothings. I can hear a voice inside of me speaking clearly to my chest like my heart was listening. “Why keep it in?… be open to everyone so they may find closure in their life… what if this is the connection? Share my deepest here, right now. No regrets.”

I am both.

Spilt between the frames of my thoughts fear can easily creep in and spoil the good intentions. The fear comes from listening to the bullshit people say about you, giving away too much of yourself and how it can be used against you. Has it happen yet…? Yes. A lot of shit happens but My mouth is an unpredictable force of nature regardless what people can do, feel or think. I can never hold on to my deepest thoughts.

I want to learn, feel, speak with action that so many fear of; these are my life lessons and I won’t be silent for the sake of others or myself. Be sensitive for the right reasons, be bold when the time comes whatever you do, don’t let your heart harden. Life is too beautiful to not allow your heart to spill, beloved.

⌊ᶫᵉᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵘʳᶰ ∞ ᵗʰᵒᵘˢᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵘᶰˢ⌋

Dear Chester,

You’re a reflection of my adolescent years. I remember putting the Hybrid Theory album in that purple CD player I kept like treasure, blasting my ears to your voice was my way of escape. I couldn’t believe it at that age I found it though your music. They were real vocals I’ve felt to the core, you’ve placed a mark on me forever to always express the way I feel. Screaming out the anguish and pain you’ve experienced, I felt every bit of it though your music. The abuse you’ve dealt with since childhood, I knew the demons wouldn’t let go. No matter how much a person can heal, the wounds will always find a way to Re-open. The mind has gone over the edge… and the demons have won. I couldn’t believe it when I saw your name in the news this morning. My heart dropped, you took your life away while you gave purpose to mine all those years ago. I was just a kid angry at the world for treating me the way it did. I know you had reasons but I wish you didn’t have to go and I wish we knew this whole time this was you asking for help.

⌊ᶫᵉᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵘʳᶰ ∞ ᵗʰᵒᵘˢᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵘᶰˢ⌋

Nomad.

I’ve seen and been there and you’ve never believed me if I told you. I’ve lived in the center of the world to the far areas of the land where no one is found. Familiar voices and faces of past blends with present greetings. The moment I’ve felt like I’ve met you before. It’s deep and fascinating to know where you come from. Most likely we’re carrying traits rooted to our growing years. A place where we have been before. People we’ve met and spoke to but never kept. Sharing common grounds of past and present is our only interest. The future hold so dearly to a wondrous life and time is the only essence of this life. The nomad had many homes, many friends and family. Never to settle in one place; Seeking the center of the world to it’s ends. Experiencing this life like a nomad is what we cannot help doing. This life choose us, calls from the wild of our indigenous ancestors. The blood of the nomad flows free in our veins.

⌊ᶫᵉᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵘʳᶰ ∞ ᵗʰᵒᵘˢᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵘᶰˢ⌋

What I cannot attached too is the reason for who I am. I am this, I seek more than the ordinary. – Writer J

 

 

Closer.

-The journal logs of vivid dreams-

We’ve met in dreams occasionally. I can see why we do sometimes. It’s a bond not like any other and I wouldn’t want it any other way. The higher level of consciousness we’ve brought together cannot be reached by just anyone. You’ve given me your hand and I given mine, Everything said and done.  I promise to be open always, never again to bite my tongue for the sake of humanity and to you. We spoke the truth of our lives each word taken in deeply. Warm vibrations of love like the presence of cosmic stars. Erecting love and lost in the place of light. Before the world was placed we have met in the place where we were made. Created by the same substance of life. Closer to the creator of dreams. We are the same.

I write them down so I’ll never forget them. I keep this open so that the heart who feels the same way know…. I am here. – Writer J

The glass bottle.

-The journal logs of vivid dreams-

I’ve no longer bitten down the tongue that wishes to speak. I’ve come too close to reach my inner me. I am searching for you. Walking though the aisle standing on a shelf the green bottle wrapped with twine, shinning and glistering from sun rays. I was drawn to it completely. I placed my fingers against the wrappings and a beautiful sound of winds came out. I began to make music tracing my fingers against it. A harmony written inside. A love I’ve always been searching for… is this you calling me back? It’s time to speak love, passion and beauty. Yes, this is the time.

⌊ᶫᵉᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵘʳᶰ ∞ ᵗʰᵒᵘˢᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵘᶰˢ⌋


Two souls.

Lovers of ocean, sand and sky…. I wonder if we’ll meet again. Memories are stored away until nostalgia wants to open them up. I can’t forget you, I shouldn’t and I wouldn’t. The ties we’ve made were unforgettable. I know deep down you can remember, like the waves crashing against the beach. The smell of ocean salt brushing against your cheeks. I’ve seen the hell in your eyes, I didn’t want to admit it. I can see souls, not bodies. Signs of Virgo & Pisces, Brothers til the end… I’ll always be a witness of this love you’ve shared. Dripping paint across the board leaving a mark between you two was my purpose.

⌊ᶫᵉᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵘʳᶰ ∞ ᵗʰᵒᵘˢᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵘᶰˢ⌋

Venus Moon.

Say the name softly into the universe.

A magnetic mirage of darkness,

Opposite sides of lovers in poems & verses.

She is the other side of Venus moon,

Her ruling nature is to be taken,

Devoured by her language. . .

⌊ᶫᵉᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵘʳᶰ ∞ ᵗʰᵒᵘˢᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵘᶰˢ⌋


(The photo album) pt.1

-The journal logs of vivid dreams-

The house is made of wood,brick and stone. The nature surrounding it made it all too perfect; a home created by love and memories. Laughter & joy of playful children could be heard from downstairs. I was brought to a table of thick wood, on top were albums & photos of many faces I couldn’t recognize. The intention was not knowing but to feel them. I’ve known this because love was coming from the photos presented neatly in an album. Treasure is kept this way. My center was entirely drawn into them. You’ve placed them in my hand, each photo a told story. Genuine and unfiltered, capturing the moments of love. It was this purpose. I fell in love with this purpose. Sharing the stories of photos with your words, while another listens with his craving heart.

⌊ᶫᵉᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵘʳᶰ ∞ ᵗʰᵒᵘˢᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵘᶰˢ⌋