Open shut mouths.

There are two different types of people…

One would say “Why speak of everything?.. Why would you let anyone know?… You’ve become vulnerable. ”

The opposite of thoughts come into me as if there was an angel and a devil on my shoulders whispering gentle nothings. I can hear a voice inside of me speaking clearly to my chest like my heart was listening. “Why keep it in?… be open to everyone so they may find closure in their life… what if this is the connection? Share my deepest here, right now. No regrets.”

I am both.

Spilt between the frames of my thoughts fear can easily creep in and spoil the good intentions. The fear comes from listening to the bullshit people say about you, giving away too much of yourself and how it can be used against you. Has it happen yet…? Yes. A lot of shit happens but My mouth is an unpredictable force of nature regardless what people can do, feel or think. I can never hold on to my deepest thoughts.

I want to learn, feel, speak with action that so many fear of; these are my life lessons and I won’t be silent for the sake of others or myself. Be sensitive for the right reasons, be bold when the time comes whatever you do, don’t let your heart harden. Life is too beautiful to not allow your heart to spill, beloved.

⌊ᶫᵉᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵘʳᶰ ∞ ᵗʰᵒᵘˢᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵘᶰˢ⌋

Dear Chester,

You’re a reflection of my adolescent years. I remember putting the Hybrid Theory album in that purple CD player I kept like treasure, blasting my ears to your voice was my way of escape. I couldn’t believe it at that age I found it though your music. They were real vocals I’ve felt to the core, you’ve placed a mark on me forever to always express the way I feel. Screaming out the anguish and pain you’ve experienced, I felt every bit of it though your music. The abuse you’ve dealt with since childhood, I knew the demons wouldn’t let go. No matter how much a person can heal, the wounds will always find a way to Re-open. The mind has gone over the edge… and the demons have won. I couldn’t believe it when I saw your name in the news this morning. My heart dropped, you took your life away while you gave purpose to mine all those years ago. I was just a kid angry at the world for treating me the way it did. I know you had reasons but I wish you didn’t have to go and I wish we knew this whole time this was you asking for help.

⌊ᶫᵉᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵘʳᶰ ∞ ᵗʰᵒᵘˢᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵘᶰˢ⌋

Nomad.

I’ve seen and been there and you’ve never believed me if I told you. I’ve lived in the center of the world to the far areas of the land where no one is found. Familiar voices and faces of past blends with present greetings. The moment I’ve felt like I’ve met you before. It’s deep and fascinating to know where you come from. Most likely we’re carrying traits rooted to our growing years. A place where we have been before. People we’ve met and spoke to but never kept. Sharing common grounds of past and present is our only interest. The future hold so dearly to a wondrous life and time is the only essence of this life. The nomad had many homes, many friends and family. Never to settle in one place; Seeking the center of the world to it’s ends. Experiencing this life like a nomad is what we cannot help doing. This life choose us, calls from the wild of our indigenous ancestors. The blood of the nomad flows free in our veins.

⌊ᶫᵉᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵘʳᶰ ∞ ᵗʰᵒᵘˢᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵘᶰˢ⌋

What I cannot attached too is the reason for who I am. I am this, I seek more than the ordinary. – Writer J

 

 

Two souls.

Lovers of ocean, sand and sky…. I wonder if we’ll meet again. Memories are stored away until nostalgia wants to open them up. I can’t forget you, I shouldn’t and I wouldn’t. The ties we’ve made were unforgettable. I know deep down you can remember, like the waves crashing against the beach. The smell of ocean salt brushing against your cheeks. I’ve seen the hell in your eyes, I didn’t want to admit it. I can see souls, not bodies. Signs of Virgo & Pisces, Brothers til the end… I’ll always be a witness of this love you’ve shared. Dripping paint across the board leaving a mark between you two was my purpose.

⌊ᶫᵉᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵘʳᶰ ∞ ᵗʰᵒᵘˢᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵘᶰˢ⌋

I Love You.

14f64328ffef40a0aa701f00779389d5

This will be my first time touching the hot grounds underneath me. I’ve been standing on these grounds as long as I can remember. The night when you’ve took a piece of me with you. The night I watched you go, the night my love one had to go. Saying goodbye with one last breath my heart froze in time and fallen into the surreal atmosphere I call Hell. Repeating words inside my head “This isn’t real” I’m about to dive head in first into this new world of broken fragments. The memories were the first to utterly shattered me then the sight of you gone is when my heart lost the love. This is what death feels like when swallowed so quickly, you just fucking can’t. Paralyzed from a state of shock feeling just the pain you could only say Why. It’s painful to lose you’re love one. The day ones in your life that you’ll need have the power to bring your heart close to death. Connection is felt by both ends….

I Love You.

⌊ᶫᵉᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵘʳᶰ ∞ ᵗʰᵒᵘˢᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵘᶰˢ⌋

Intimacy.

I’ve come to realization of the lacking of closeness we’ve become. I’ve noticed it when I’ve tried to be like everyone else. The sense of belonging is set because everyone is doing it. I feel I can no longer be consistent into selling the intimacy for convenience. Something that should be shared with love and care over conversations but we rather give it away to a electric entity; a place where all relationships of all types come to die. (Social media aka the cell phone…)

Because it’s just easier to keep intimate relations that way… 

It’s much better to show my life though a looking window…

I can’t express enough how my life cannot be captured into a profile and how others are satisfy to communicate this way.

The senses crave for so much more. It kills me. When have we lost the touch of presence?

You can’t truly know who I am by a photo or a status update or even my writings at times. The purpose for letting go, letting out thoughts into the universe is how I use it. It’s written down so anyone sense it and feel in common with it. I believe it’s far more intimate than a profile. There is warmth to any WordPress, a diary or just a personal letter than a profile will ever have.

The feelings of cold when it becomes just a status, photo with a caption, a profile or a place that people just look. From friends to just people that alone says a lot.  – Writer J


⌊ᶫᵉᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵘʳᶰ ∞ ᵗʰᵒᵘˢᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵘᶰˢ⌋

Buried depression.

You’ve pressed your face against the pillow. Holding your breath to not spill again tonight. Clutching your chest reminding yourself to breathe. Yes it has come to greet itself again. 

Digging deeper….if you’ve decided to let it settle in tonight. Creeping up when you’ve been vulnerable for a few nights. You’ve let your guard down. It will never leave, it will always come back to remind itself, wanting to be claimed. A beautiful mind is the will power to fight. Know it’s okay to feel it, feel it completely my love. Know what it is and don’t be afraid of it. Fear is the only thing depression, lost and loneliness is holding on too. 

I find myself completely withdrawn at times like this. Spending time to know my light and dark has taken years of solitude and will continue because of growth. It cannot be solved by a pill or by a lover. It’s a journey only you alone must take. – Writer J

Angels & Demons

They’re higher intellectual beings.

Speaking from the other side.

Incarnation into human kind,

They’re the balance of yin and yang.

Good and evil existing for a purpose.

This negative energy felt like fangs.

Digging into the skin of the enlighten ones.

‘Tell me, how much more of the promise long suffering?…’

Protectors of Heaven & Earth.

They’ve spoken the truth.

“Though the furnace is the transformation of pure diamonds.”

Challenges are here to form us into perfection.

⌊ᶫᵉᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵘʳᶰ ∞ ᵗʰᵒᵘˢᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵘᶰˢ⌋

 

 

 

Rebel Rebel.

Break away, follow though from pain & joy.

Displaced in the human time line, she is not from this generation.

Feelings of old the young blood boils.

‘They’ve exchanged the intimacy for a instant like. A gratification for the low. Face to face morals are a thing of the past…’

Never to believe to survive in a place like this.

The rebel heart escapes, the wild calls her name.

I didn’t believe you. Telling me who I was. I refuse to be different. I didn’t want the emotions it came with it. I didn’t want it. The purpose of my existence is too great. – Writer J

The itch.

What is your secret?… 

How do you keep your composure?…

Mouths shut, hearts bleeding unnoticed.

Your inverted tears cannot hide.

But the eyes are the only ones exposed.

The direction of body movements gives it away.

You’ve swallowed your terror.

Ate that fucker alive…

Nobody will understand how it feels to kill a itch 

Nothing is more attractive than to see you try. 

⌊ᶫᵉᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵘʳᶰ ∞ ᵗʰᵒᵘˢᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵘᶰˢ⌋