All kinds of hell is burning in your eyes, leveling down to the bottomless pit where they held you. Baby, I can feel the pain you’ve gone though, don’t doubt a second I’lI toss you away. I know the thoughts of death plagued you once before just how it visited me in the middle of my corridor. Dripping sweat over scarring wounds while tagging doors with our songs to lead us. The ground is too hot to touch, all around this place. Youthful years spent in the concrete jungle chasing the dream, remember we were young in this place. I swear I’m crazy for the things you know and the footings of past regrets as if they were my own, swinging onto the fire escape screaming it over the urban landscape.
I don’t know where to start or where to begin with this particular topic for it’s been on my mind for as long as I can remember. I do wonder if there’s anyone else that relate to this as much as I do. My identity, my race, my ethnic background had always left me in fascination as to where I came from for I am mixed with 3 different continents of the world. I love history and culture because of who I am, never turning down a lesson or a story because of it. You’ll never know what you’ll learn even about yourself.
I come from mixed parents from the Latin American culture. I was born in New York City 1990; Roots of Native, Southern European and Greek. I can’t possible tell you how long it took to find myself. My younger self was lost because of my own identity issues. Society has it’s ways of putting you in a box, a single label so you can fit into their stereotypes because it’s easier to identify. People saw me as a white person therefore leaving a stigma on me for the longest time for I can’t deny my dark roots. My mother is a dark skin version of myself after that I take on after my father, a greek white man and I can tell as to why people would say I am white because of him. I love my parents and where I come from. Being born in a place like NYC creates an edge to your personality, will I leave it behind in the future? Yes. I crave to see the places of my ancestors and experience a different life elsewhere. I have a strong belief that everyone should at least visit the birthplace of their lineage at least once. Born mixed race is hard in a place where people just look at the surface. I love it though. 😉
Thank you to all my followers and readers. I am grateful.
Energy. Underneath skin & bone. Energy is what we are made of.
The universal language of all mankind.
It’s incredible to finally see the real you in this body, you’ve let your walls come down.
I know this body is temporary by the way you burn so easily against the skin, vibrations speaking of the great escape turns deep red. Feel and taste the lovers dream with eyes ready to spill an eternal love; be ready for no one will be able to stop it or comprehend the beautiful arrangement. When the body can no longer contain the real you, you will change…
The body is the limitations of the soul and spirit, increase your spirit by seeking all things of the light. – Writer J
In a world filled with handheld devices, she is the one with her hand empty to receive. – Writer J
The questions that come to mind are several But there is one question that sticks my mind more than anything else. I find myself coming back to every time…
If relationships are made of organic chemicals and everything soulful why allow something in-between that is not?… For the sake of convenience?
People have sold to this illusion to these chip devices and feel it’s much easier to keep up friendships, love and family in the limitations of a cellphone. What happen to getting to know someone out of the boundaries of social media? Meeting someone face to face before a profile?
You can go ahead and call me crazy but I love to know someone by them telling themselves with their own words. It’s has value and substance you can feel or remember. How bonds are deepen is the time spend together and memories hold more weight than some cellphone you’ll end up changing in a year. What I’m saying is that if you want a everlasting relationship make those sacrifices to keep away from the things that aren’t made up of you. Mixing them both will only cause grief and pain; You are a human being and your needs are meant in all things organically fashioned.
Trust me I am stubborn in my ways; I could be the last human on earth and I’ll still keep this with me. I’m no sellout to myself and I wouldn’t sell short to know someone or to be with, so I’ve left my hands open to receive.
One would say “Why speak of everything?.. Why would you let anyone know?… You’ve become vulnerable. ”
The opposite of thoughts come into me as if there was an angel and a devil on my shoulders whispering gentle nothings. I can hear a voice inside of me speaking clearly to my chest like my heart was listening. “Why keep it in?… be open to everyone so they may find closure in their life… what if this is the connection? Share my deepest here, right now. No regrets.”
I am both.
Spilt between the frames of my thoughts fear can easily creep in and spoil the good intentions. The fear comes from listening to the bullshit people say about you, giving away too much of yourself and how it can be used against you. Has it happen yet…? Yes. A lot of shit happens but My mouth is an unpredictable force of nature regardless what people can do, feel or think. I can never hold on to my deepest thoughts.
I want to learn, feel, speak with action that so many fear of; these are my life lessons and I won’t be silent for the sake of others or myself. Be sensitive for the right reasons, be bold when the time comes whatever you do, don’t let your heart harden. Life is too beautiful to not allow your heart to spill, beloved.
You’re a reflection of my adolescent years. I remember putting the Hybrid Theory album in that purple CD player I kept like treasure, blasting my ears to your voice was my way of escape. I couldn’t believe it at that age I found it though your music. They were real vocals I’ve felt to the core, you’ve placed a mark on me forever to always express the way I feel. Screaming out the anguish and pain you’ve experienced, I felt every bit of it though your music. The abuse you’ve dealt with since childhood, I knew the demons wouldn’t let go. No matter how much a person can heal, the wounds will always find a way to Re-open. The mind has gone over the edge… and the demons have won. I couldn’t believe it when I saw your name in the news this morning. My heart dropped, you took your life away while you gave purpose to mine all those years ago. I was just a kid angry at the world for treating me the way it did. I know you had reasons but I wish you didn’t have to go and I wish we knew this whole time this was you asking for help.
I’ve seen and been there and you’ve never believed me if I told you. I’ve lived in the center of the world to the far areas of the land where no one is found. Familiar voices and faces of past blends with present greetings. The moment I’ve felt like I’ve met you before. It’s deep and fascinating to know where you come from. Most likely we’re carrying traits rooted to our growing years. A place where we have been before. People we’ve met and spoke to but never kept. Sharing common grounds of past and present is our only interest. The future hold so dearly to a wondrous life and time is the only essence of this life. The nomad had many homes, many friends and family. Never to settle in one place; Seeking the center of the world to it’s ends. Experiencing this life like a nomad is what we cannot help doing. This life choose us, calls from the wild of our indigenous ancestors. The blood of the nomad flows free in our veins.
⌊ᶫᵉᵗ ᶫᵒᵛᵉ ᵇᵘʳᶰ ∞ ᵗʰᵒᵘˢᵃᶰᵈ ˢᵘᶰˢ⌋
What I cannot attached too is the reason for who I am. I am this, I seek more than the ordinary. – Writer J
Lovers of ocean, sand and sky…. I wonder if we’ll meet again. Memories are stored away until nostalgia wants to open them up. I can’t forget you, I shouldn’t and I wouldn’t. The ties we’ve made were unforgettable. I know deep down you can remember, like the waves crashing against the beach. The smell of ocean salt brushing against your cheeks. I’ve seen the hell in your eyes, I didn’t want to admit it. I can see souls, not bodies. Signs of Virgo & Pisces, Brothers til the end… I’ll always be a witness of this love you’ve shared. Dripping paint across the board leaving a mark between you two was my purpose.
This will be my first time touching the hot grounds underneath me. I’ve been standing on these grounds as long as I can remember. The night when you’ve took a piece of me with you. The night I watched you go, the night my love one had to go. Saying goodbye with one last breath my heart froze in time and fallen into the surreal atmosphere I call Hell. Repeating words inside my head “This isn’t real” I’m about to dive head in first into this new world of broken fragments. The memories were the first to utterly shattered me then the sight of you gone is when my heart lost the love. This is what death feels like when swallowed so quickly, you just fucking can’t. Paralyzed from a state of shock feeling just the pain you could only say Why. It’s painful to lose you’re love one. The day ones in your life that you’ll need have the power to bring your heart close to death. Connection is felt by both ends….
I’ve come to realization of the lacking of closeness we’ve become. I’ve noticed it when I’ve tried to be like everyone else. The sense of belonging is set because everyone is doing it. I feel I can no longer be consistent into selling the intimacy for convenience. Something that should be shared with love and care over conversations but we rather give it away to a electric entity; a place where all relationships of all types come to die. (Social media aka the cell phone…)
Because it’s just easier to keep intimate relations that way…
It’s much better to show my life though a looking window…
I can’t express enough how my life cannot be captured into a profile and how others are satisfy to communicate this way.
The senses crave for so much more. It kills me. When have we lost the touch of presence?
You can’t truly know who I am by a photo or a status update or even my writings at times. The purpose for letting go, letting out thoughts into the universe is how I use it. It’s written down so anyone sense it and feel in common with it. I believe it’s far more intimate than a profile. There is warmth to any WordPress, a diary or just a personal letter than a profile will ever have.
The feelings of cold when it becomes just a status, photo with a caption, a profile or a place that people just look. From friends to just people that alone says a lot. – Writer J